{"id":94,"date":"2014-07-07T07:36:00","date_gmt":"2014-07-07T07:36:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/?p=94"},"modified":"2025-01-04T17:13:54","modified_gmt":"2025-01-04T17:13:54","slug":"nerede-kalmistik-7-tem-2014","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/2014\/07\/07\/nerede-kalmistik-7-tem-2014\/","title":{"rendered":"NEREDE KALMI\u015eTIK ?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Nerede kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k? H\u0131mmm!\u2026 Ben bir \u015fe\u00e7im yapmak zorundayd\u0131m. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fimle gelece\u011fim
aras\u0131nda bir se\u00e7im. Yok can\u0131m! A\u015fktan bahsetmiyorum. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fim annemden bahsediyorum ve
gelece\u011fim k\u0131z\u0131mdan\u2026. Bug\u00fcn\u00fcm yani kendim, yokum bu se\u00e7enekler aras\u0131nda; kendime zaman,
yer ve imkan yok\u2026onu kald\u0131rd\u0131m belirsiz bir s\u00fcreli\u011fine ortal\u0131ktan\u2026.
Bu can, ancak iki ki\u015fiye yetece\u011fi i\u00e7in ikisi aras\u0131nda payla\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131m enerjimi\u2026 Ne mi yapt\u0131m?
Bak\u0131m\u0131yla bana ba\u011fl\u0131 olan annemi, eski silah arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131, en iyi dostumu, hi\u00e7bir \u015feyinden eksik
kalmas\u0131n diye korudum, kollad\u0131m, sevdim, sard\u0131m, bakt\u0131m, bakt\u0131rd\u0131m. Kendi g\u00fcc\u00fc ile yeni bir
hayata adapte olmas\u0131 i\u00e7in yakt\u0131m, y\u0131kt\u0131m, insanlar\u0131 k\u0131rd\u0131m, paralad\u0131m\u2026 K\u0131z\u0131m yani gelece\u011fim,
hasta ge\u00e7mi\u015fimle olamad\u0131 yan yana; gen\u00e7li\u011fi bu dura\u011fan ve a\u011f\u0131r tabloyu kabullenemedi,
benimseyemedi; toylu\u011fu a\u011f\u0131r bast\u0131 uyamad\u0131 hayat\u0131n yeni \u015fekline. Onu, bu hayattan
soyutlamam, ayn\u0131 yerde iki ayr\u0131 hayat kurmam gerekti. Ben, t\u00fcm zaman\u0131m\u0131 ve enerjimi, en dibe
vuruncaya kadar buna harcad\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc se\u00e7im yapamad\u0131m. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fimi yok kabul edip, devam
edemedim ya\u015famaya\u2026.Ayn\u0131 \u015fekilde, daha nereye varaca\u011f\u0131 belli olmayan gelece\u011fimi de,
b\u0131rakamad\u0131m desteksiz\u2026. Ya d\u00fc\u015fer, kal\u0131rsa\u2026.ya yanl\u0131\u015f y\u00f6ne saparsa\u2026.k\u0131yamad\u0131m h\u0131r\u00e7\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ile
maskeledi\u011fi masum duru\u015funa\u2026.ben de kendimi harcad\u0131m\u2026.neyim varsa hayata dair elimde
tutup b\u0131rakmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u2026.a\u015fk\u0131m, sevgim, inanc\u0131m, safl\u0131\u011f\u0131m, inat\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131m, bitmek bilmez enerjim ve
ya\u015fam sevgim\u2026.hepsini bozdurdum\u2026.ge\u00e7ip giden zamana\u2026..pes etmeyen kaderin sonsuz
\u015fantajlar\u0131na. Derken zaman \u00e7izelgesinde, en \u00f6nemli olaylar\u0131, hep ayn\u0131 tarihlere denk gelen
ge\u00e7mi\u015fim ve gelece\u011fim, bir kez daha, en b\u00fcy\u00fck bahise, en y\u00fcksek riskle girdiler. Ve oyun
ba\u015flad\u0131\u2026bir \u00f6ncekinden farks\u0131z\u2026k\u0131z\u0131m\u0131n, \u00fcniversite s\u0131nav\u0131na girece\u011fi g\u00fcnlerde, annemin bir
kez daha (ki \u00f6nceki s\u0131navda da ayn\u0131 g\u00fcnlere denk gelmi\u015fti?!) \u00f6l\u00fcme giden yola giri\u015fi ve k\u0131z\u0131m\u0131n
s\u0131navlar\u0131n son turuna girmesi\u2026..son ana kadar ikisini de b\u0131rakmad\u0131m\u2026\u2026ama son g\u00fcn mecbur
kald\u0131m, hayat\u0131n do\u011fal ak\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 takip ettim, bir tuhaf kabullenmi\u015flikle ve ge\u00e7mi\u015fimi teslim ettim,
emin ellere. Sonra, benden, ben istedi\u011fim i\u00e7in var olan gelece\u011fimin elini tuttum\u2026..d\u00fc\u015fmeden
y\u00fcr\u00fcmesi i\u00e7in\u2026.. Nas\u0131l m\u0131 ba\u015fard\u0131m?? T\u00fcm duygular\u0131mdan vazge\u00e7tim. \u0130nsan oldu\u011fumu
hissettiren ve beni de\u011ferli k\u0131lan, her duygudan\u2026. bunu yaparken de, katt\u0131\u011f\u0131 binbir de\u011ferle, beni
daha k\u0131r\u0131lgan ve duyarl\u0131 yapan, t\u00fcm g\u00fczel duygular\u0131m\u0131 soyundum\u2026evet soyundum\u2026..atmaya
k\u0131yamad\u0131m\u2026.\u00f6ylesine g\u00fczeldi ki her biri\u2026 Olur da, bir g\u00fcn geri d\u00f6nersem hayata, yeniden bir
ben, yeniden bir hayat\u0131m, yani g\u00fcn\u00fcm, bug\u00fcn\u00fcm olursa\u2026\u2026kim bilir belki\u2026.\u015fu zorba kader elini
\u00e7ekerse benden\u2026.belki giyerim yeniden\u2026..o g\u00fcne \u00e7ok varsa\u2026..e\u011fer daha \u00e7ok ac\u0131 varsa \u00e7ekmem
gereken\u2026..iyice zay\u0131flarsam kederden, elbise durmaz d\u00fc\u015fer hepten, ta\u015f\u0131yacak halim kalmaz
derken\u2026ya da dertler \u00fcst \u00fcste binipte kal\u0131nla\u015f\u0131rsa derim, benli\u011fim her ge\u00e7en g\u00fcn, bu seferde,
soyundu\u011fum naif duygular, o hassas ruh, olmaz da, dar gelir, s\u0131kar, yak\u0131\u015fmazsa temelden\u2026 O
zaman yeniden ba\u015flamak gerekir her \u015feye\u2026.yeni bir ruh ve bilin\u00e7le, eski bedende yeniden\u2026..
Kim bilir neden\u2026???<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Nerede kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k? H\u0131mmm!\u2026 Ben bir \u015fe\u00e7im yapmak zorundayd\u0131m. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fimle gelece\u011fimaras\u0131nda bir se\u00e7im. Yok can\u0131m! A\u015fktan bahsetmiyorum. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fim annemden bahsediyorum vegelece\u011fim k\u0131z\u0131mdan\u2026. Bug\u00fcn\u00fcm yani kendim, yokum bu se\u00e7enekler aras\u0131nda; kendime zaman,yer ve imkan yok\u2026onu kald\u0131rd\u0131m belirsiz bir s\u00fcreli\u011fine ortal\u0131ktan\u2026.Bu can, ancak iki ki\u015fiye yetece\u011fi i\u00e7in ikisi aras\u0131nda payla\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131m enerjimi\u2026 Ne mi yapt\u0131m?Bak\u0131m\u0131yla bana ba\u011fl\u0131 olan annemi, …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":95,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-94","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sohbet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/94","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=94"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/94\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1457,"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/94\/revisions\/1457"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/95"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=94"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=94"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gulmisal.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=94"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}